One major function of shame seems to me that it signals to other people that even if you don't do the right thing, then you're a "good person" because at least you feel bad about it. This might be the main reason why people hold onto shame even if it isn’t useful, because they want to really believe they're good even if they engage in what they or other people around them consider to be "bad" behavior.
I don't find such judgements to be helpful in my life. That doesn't mean I subscribe to some type of amoral view of the world where there is no such thing as goodness, but simply that trying to assess where you are is a mostly pointless game. The mind loves to use bullshit to avoid actual change, so it's better to focus your attention on what you can actually control, i.e. your actions.
I'm noticing in my life how some people subtly enjoy torturing themselves about how screwed up they are and how impossible their problems are to solve because that entire game is actually a great distraction from doing anything whatsoever. I think in general it's simply better to cut through the commentary and instead examine whatever small changes you can make, and then commit to them.
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2025-01-30